Why it's so hard to make friends as grown-ups (and how to fix it)
If you've ever felt digitally connected but physically lonely, this episode is for you. I'm diving into why making friends as adults feels impossible and sharing three practical strategies to build real connection in 2025—no awkwardness required.
The Friendship Recession Is Real
Here's something we don't talk about enough: we're living through a friendship recession, and it's affecting nearly everyone. Globally, about 1 in 6 people say they feel lonely, and for many, it's a daily reality. This isn't just a personal struggle—it's a public health crisis.
I spend most of my waking hours bouncing from small screen to medium screen to big screen, and when I'm not glued to a device, I'm usually too exhausted to connect in real life. Sound familiar? The truth is, the system is stacked against us when it comes to building friendships as adults.
Why Adult Friendships Feel Impossible
We've lost our "third places"—those bars, cafés, record stores, or clubs where you could just bump into people. I still remember Dublin nightclubs in the early 2000s. You'd go out with friends, see familiar faces, and always meet new people. These weren't scheduled hangouts; connection just happened.
These days, we're trapped in the work-home-errands triangle. If you work from home like me, you could easily go a full day without speaking to another human being. We live in a culture poisoned by productivity, where friendship—which requires inefficiency and just hanging out—feels like a luxury we can't afford.
And let's be honest: we're terrified of looking too "thirsty." Asking someone to hang out feels as vulnerable as asking them on a date, so we wait, and nothing happens.
Your Friendship Playbook for 2025
In this episode, I'm sharing three simple, sneaky moves that bypass the awkwardness and help you build meaningful connections:
Build Your Pockets of Community: You can't wait for a third place to appear—you have to create or find one. Take my gym, for example. After two years of showing up at 10am most mornings, nods turned into chats. Consistency does the heavy lifting. And remember, third places aren't just physical anymore. Some of my most enriching connections are in online communities like my coaching groups and even here on Substack.
Master the Low-Stakes Invite: Stop saying "We should hang out sometime!" and start saying "Hey, I'm heading to that new café on Saturday at 10. Feel free to swing by if you're around." The difference? You're going anyway, so if they say no, it's not rejection—it's just logistics.
Nurture Your Close Friends with Low-Pressure Love: Think of messages from friends as postcards. They arrive, they bring joy, but there's no expectation for an immediate reply. My closest friends are in France and Ireland, and we connect through bursts of voice notes, silly memes, and songs that remind us of each other.
Three Key Takeaways
1️⃣ Create your own third places: Find or build communities where you can show up consistently—whether it's a gym, online group, or local café. Connection happens through repeated, low-pressure encounters.
2️⃣ Use the low-stakes invite template: "Hey, I'm planning to [do X activity] at [Y place/time]. Would love for you to join if you're free!" You're not asking for commitment; you're just opening a door.
3️⃣ Give yourself permission for low-pressure connection: You don't need constant conversation to maintain close friendships. Simple, sporadic touchpoints remind people you're there, no matter the distance.
Your Experiment This Week
Pick ONE person you'd like to know better—someone from the gym, an online group, or a neighbor. Send them one low-stakes invite using this template:
"Hey [Name]! I'm grabbing brunch at that new place on Main Street this Sunday around 11am. No pressure at all, but if you're free and fancy it, would love for you to swing by!"
The goal isn't for them to say yes. The goal is to prove to yourself that reaching out isn't as scary as it feels.
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